Attachment styles

 

Hello, friends!

Today I'm coming with another post that mixes the art of writing with psychology… which, as you know, I love doing~

This time I'd like to discuss the attachment styles, but also a little bit about how an individual develops attachment and, of course - how we can use it in writing a story.

Let's get into it!

First, what is an attachment style?

Attachment styles are characterized by different ways of interacting and behaving in relationships. They're developed in the earliest stages of our lives and can significantly affect our relationships later on. That's why knowing your attachment style and working on it can be a very useful tool for everyone.

There are four main attachment styles. We'll now go through them.

SECURE ATTACHMENT 

→ developed when a child grows up with parents who are present and have positive influence

In writing:

→ it's usually the healthy characters, who manage multiple friendships and are rather trusting of others

→ can be described having great parents and keeping in touch with them

ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT 

→ developed when parents are inattentive and ignorant of child's needs or/and as a result of inconsistent parenting

In writing:

→ you can describe how a character cannot stand being alone and searches for constant connection with someone

→ it's perfect for writing anxious characters, who were on the anxious side their whole lives 

→ people-pleasers often have anxious attachment style 

AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT 

→ developed when parents are strict and emotionally distant, do not tolerate expressions of feelings, and expect their child to be independent and tough

In writing:

→ can grow into toxic masculinity 

→ hyper-independent characters

→ character who's not comfortable talking about emotions and want to seem “always chill”

→ it's the character who prefers to overwork themselves rather than ask for a favor 

DISORGANIZED ATTACHMENT 

→ developed in a childhood of fear, inconsistency and abuse; often when the parental figure became a source of fear

→ it incorporates both the anxious and avoidant attachment style 

In writing:

→ a character craves intimacy, but is very afraid of it

→ a character is waiting for rejection and hurt to come, they see it as inevitable

As you can see, specific attachment styles can and will often come with specific conflict styles (click to read more about them). There's also an interesting link to some mental disorders (anxious - anxiety, avoidant - avoidant personality disorder, etc).

Aaaand one more thing to point out:

Having a secure attachment style doesn't automatically mean an individual will be secure in human interactions. There are numerous other factors playing a part here - like trauma later in life.

Just the same way one can have f.e. anxious attachment but have secure relationships because of self-work and therapy.

Do not mix it up!🩵