PAST PRESENT
The fears we fought
The addictions we thought we overcame
The people we believed we let go
The scars we almost healed
We're like a picture made out of our experiences
And the tears
The wounds
The blood
Covered with bandages
All so perfect
When you look at it from afar
Starts stinking as you get closer
Death is not a funny friend
It's a quite bad one
But we all need friends
Moving out was hard
But now the new home I am in
Is me
Created out of my tears
My wounds
My blood
And of course it hurts as hell
But does it matter
People who left aren't coming back
Scissors aren't gonna disappear
From your skin
Best you can do is
Not do the same mistakes again
The more you ignore me
The stronger I become
Said my past
So I made it my friend
STORIES ABOUT
I want to write stories about
Guilt
Shame
Longing
Missing
Desire
Control
Regrets
Chaos
Inadequacy
Rejection
Love
Heartbreak
Passion
Scars
Fears
Trauma
Recovery
Healing
Identity
Friendship
Changes
Memories
Dreams
Loneliness
Sleepless nights
And days slept-through
About this world
And thousand others
The life I'm living
Days long before that
And days long after I'm gone
All within
And all beyond
🌼
DISSOCIATION
It's blurry
The images in my eyes are blurring
I drag myself back -
Here! Now! With them!
But my head consumes me
It's blurring the colors the shapes the contours
I can't force a smile anymore
My muscles don't respond
I drag myself into reality
Not here not now not when I'm with them
But my world is a mix of colors and sounds
I'm pacing back and forward
I'm so tired
Blurred out of reality
Again
I can't hear your words
It's all just one sound
I want to hug my legs in my bed
Close myself in my writing
I want to listen to the silence
Delve into it
Become one with it
I'm blurred out
And drag myself back again
🌼
HUNDREDS OF METERS ABOVE
Brick to brick
Tear to tear
Building a stronghold
Or maybe a fortress
My tools are either old and rusty
Or too new for me to know how to use them
Wait I’ve never even been a builder
How did I find myself here
I'm walking on a straight line
Circus freak
Improvising
Like it's something else
Counting the fingers on my hands
Just to make sure
I'm hundreds meters above the lands
And yet still didn't reach the level where I would breathe more freely
🌼
CANVAS
My footsteps blur like paint thrown carelessly on a canvas
The world spins around me shaking its foundations
I'm laughing stupidly to myself
Biting my lip to stop the senseless crying
City lights reflect off glass and plastic
Trains come and leave into the dark
My steps keep walking
They get longer
And they stretch
And they mingle with the world
I don't know where their margins lie
I push my hands deeper into my pockets
I bow my head not to provoke
Those men with cigarettes who are looking for an excuse
I bow my head so I don't have to see
The judging glances of these women with heels
I bow my head and stare at my legs
But they have already melted away
Like paint thrown carelessly on a canvas
WE COULD...
We could shake the universe's grounds
We could conquer the galaxy
We could be that fire devouring everything around it
We could be everything and even more
But we're scared
The arrows were pulled out from our bodies but they still bleed
The stones thrown at us were discarded away
But the bruises are still blue
The people who destroyed us are gone
But the traces can be tracked between each of our bones
We thought we grew up from childhood fears
We thought we fought the nightmares
But we're still
So scared
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