Femininity and masculinity are traits present in all humans. Their levels vary, with some people leaning more into the feminine side, and some leaning more into the masculine side. One can also stay in the middle, if they wish. Both femininity and masculinity are naturally occurring and shouldn't be suppressed; there's no shame in embodying them, if they're kept healthy.
Feminine doesn't mean you're a woman; masculine doesn't mean you're a man. Just so we're clear before we continue on the topic; this is non-discussable, it's simply how biology works.
Today, I'll explore both femininity and masculinity in their healthy and unhealthy versions. Let's start with femininity. What exactly does it mean to be feminine, and how can we incorporate those characteristics in our stories? Let's get into it!
HEALTHY FEMININITY is...
→ creative
→ nurturing
→ deeply empathetic
→ authentic
→ strong boundaries
→ expressive of both thoughts and feelings without shame
→ intuitive
→ aligned with the universe
→ confident
A character who's healthily feminine will be therefore caring for others and empathetic, but will also take care of themselves and know where to draw boundaries and when to speak up. This character will also be attuned to their intuition, and will trust the cycles of the universe, accepting its natural flow and confidently partake in it.
UNHEALTHY FEMININITY is...
→ quiet and silencing their voice
→ over-caring
→ submissive because "that's how it should be"
→ attractive to male gaze
→ pleasing men to avoid punishment and abuse
→ weaponized incompetence (example: "I'm just a woman, how could I possibly drive a car? I need you to drive me")
→ abusing traditionally feminine qualities - for example, an individual may resent women to prove themselves and receive man's attention
→ pushing women to be feminine, and judging them for not being "feminine enough" (this can be taken to an extreme, for example resenting a woman for wanting to remain child free, when the "traditional values" expect otherwise)
→ emotionally manipulative
A person who's unhealthy feminine will be someone who behaves in a way that's first and foremost pleasing the men around them. They'll be taking excessive care of them and step away from speaking up if their boundaries are crossed. They'll also likely push women in their life to act the same way, because that's "how it should be".
Let's now move to MASCULINITY. What does it mean to be masculine, what is healthy masculinity and what is not?
HEALTHY MASCULINITY is...
→ equally respectful of every human being
→ protective of those weaker than them
→ resilient
→ expressing the entire spectrum of human emotions
→ taking responsibility for their actions
→ brave
→ vulnerable
→ self-aware
→ considerable
So a healthily masculine character will be someone who can go through hardships with their head up, but also not afraid to be vulnerable and open up about feelings. They respect and see each human for who they are, and don't abuse minorites. They're also self-aware and take responsibility for their actions, apologizing if they mess up and working to get better.
UNHEALTHY MASCULINITY is...
→ aggressive & violent
→ unwilling to share emotions
→ showing discrimination to others
→ promoting hyper-independance
→ excessively dominant
→ sexually abusive
→ isolating
→ excessively competitive
→ weaponized incompetence (for example: "I can't cook, it's woman's job")
An unhealthy masculine character will pretend nothing bothers them; they'll drink or drive recklessly to feel their feelings, because they refuse to process them properly. They'll say things like "you need to man up" if someone asks for their help. They'll sexualize women.
Let's please keep in mind that both masculinity and femininity are deeply rooted in our society and play a significant role in our everyday life. It's everywhere around us, they're behind many conflicts and behind many social dysfunctions. As you go through the notes, reflect on your own behavior and always aim to be a better version of yourself.
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