Every writer has a past this still influences them, both in good and in bad ways, no matter how bad or good the past is. Recognizing our own leftovers from the past is a powerful tool for self growth.
Today, we'll talk about two specific influences: mother wound and father wound.
MOTHER WOUND
= pain and patterns we carry in relation to our mother or feminine lineage
SYMPTOMS:
→ feeling unworthy or too much
→ struggle with people-pleasing
→ fear of abandonment
→ suppressing anger
→ self-sacrifice or over-giving
→ feeling distant from or overly enmeshed with your mother
→ difficulty receiving love and care
→ over-responsibility for others’ emotions
HOW IT HAPPENS:
→ emotional neglect or lack of nurturing
→ controlling, critical and unavailable mother
→ generational trauma
→ society that teaches girls to shrink
→ absence of healthy feminine role models
→ conditional love
FATHER WOUND
= pain and patterns we carry in relation to our father or masculine lineage
SYMPTOMS:
→ uncomfortable sharing emotions
→ constant validation seeking
→ difficulty trusting authority, or a strong need to control
→ feeling directionless or chronically uncertain about life and self
→ overly defensive
→ repressing anger
→ people pleasing
→ straggling with money and carrier
HOW IT HAPPENS:
→ approval is absent or rarely expressed
→ affection is withheld or replaced by criticism
→ authority feels unsafe, unpredictable, or oppressive
→ the father figure is absent physically or emotionally
→ "man up" attitude
→ only showed love upon your achievements
HOW THESE WOUNDS APPEAR IN WRITING?
MOTHER WOUND:
• characters who fear vulnerability, even when they crave closeness
• fixation on home: finding it, losing it, or recreating it
• themes of abandonment, emotional hunger, or the search for belonging
→ watch how your characters give and receive care
→ are they comfortable being nurtured, or does it make them uneasy?
FATHER WOUND:
• characters who seek constant approval from mentors or leaders
• protagonists in conflict with authority, rules, or societal structures
• arcs centered on proving oneself or claiming personal power
→ look at how your characters handle rules and power dynamics. Do they follow, rebel, or create their own systems?
HOW THESE WOUNDS SHAPE THE WRITER’S VOICE
MOTHER WOUND: over-editing to make the work “pleasing” to readers, avoiding raw or messy truths
FATHER WOUND: over-reliance on rigid structure or resistance to any planning at all
HEALING THROUGH STORYTELLING
→ a mother-wound character may finally find belonging by the end of your story
→ a father-wound character may step into authority without needing permission
→ take a wound you recognize in your own life and write a short piece where the character gets exactly what they needed. Notice how this changes the emotional tone
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