Character's sexuality

 

Sexuality is a truly fascinating topic to write about. It's a very individual thing, and everyone experiences it a bit differently. 

For starters, I'd like to make a distinction between sexuality and romantic orientation. It's actually quite simple: sexuality relates to being sexually attracted to someone, and romantic orientation relates to having crushes and falling in love.

Most often sexuality and romantic orientation is the same - for example someone can be asexual aromantic. It doesn't always have to be that case. Someone can be bisexual homoromantic, meaning they are sexually attracted to two genders, but evolve romantic feelings to just one. 

What more, sexuality is fluid. Our sex drive can differ depending on our mental & physical health, stressors levels or our hormonal cycle. We can also notice as we grow older that we started being attracted to more genders, or the other way around. It's all very complex and depends on each individual. Sexuality isn't unchangeable.

Although our culture normalizes and expects monogamy (having one partner), there's nothing wrong with polyamorous relationships (having more partners). Some people are born monogamous, and some people are born poly. Both options are natural and healthy. 

There are also platonic relationships, where people share a deep bond, but choose not to engage in sexual activity. 

Sex drive can also differ from person to person. Some people can have it lower, and some people can be hypersexual. If a person uses sex frequently as a way of escaping their emotions it can develop into sex addiction.

People have many different preferences, and that's okay. There are kinks, fetishes and other aspects to explore. I'll not be going deeper into it, but if you're interested, research more about it.

We cannot forget there are also more complicated, often dark sides to sexuality: cheaters, minor attracted people (either actively offending or not), sexual abusers, rapists, necrophiliacs etc. Those topics are very sensitive, so make sure you know what you're writing about and why. Research before assuming.

Sexuality doesn't necessarily have to be connected to romantic relationships. There are friends with benefits or sex workers out there, too. Keep your mind open and don't stigmatize.

Regarding sexuality I need to mention sexual illnesses as well. Whether we're talking about STDs or issues in bed, it should always be addressed properly and there's nothing shameful about it. The characters we're writing could view it the same, or disagree with that statement. Either way, sexual health is important to remember about.

I'll now go through some of the basic (and a few extra interesting ones) sexualities and romantic orientations. To simplify, I'll pair them up, but remember it's not the only proper way of how things should work.

HETEROSEXUAL & HETEROROMANTIC

= being attracted and romantically interested in people of the opposite gender

HOMOSEXUAL & HOMOROMANTIC

= being attracted and romantically interested in people of the same gender

BISEXUAL & BIROMANTIC

= being attracted and romantically interested in people of two different genders (most commonly women and men)

PANSEXUAL & PANROMANTIC

= being attracted and romantically interested in people regardless of their gender

ASEXUAL & AROMANTIC

= not being attracted or romantically interested in people 

GRAYSEXUAL & GREYROMANTIC

= experiencing very little attraction and romantic feelings

DEMISEXUAL & DEMIROMANTIC

= being attracted and romantically interested in people only after getting to know them and growing close 

SAPIOSEXUAL & SAPIOROMANTIC

= being attracted and romantically interested in people based on their intelligence

NEBULASEXUAL & NEBULAROMANTIC

= having a hard time differentiating romantic feelings & sexual attraction VS platonic feelings