Five love languages were first described in a book “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” written by Gary Chapman.
It explains how people express and experience love. In this post, I'll show you how you can use this in writing more realistic characters and their love affairs.
Keep in mind some people have more love languages while some have just one.
One's receiving and giving love languages can differ.
Though I focused on romantic relationships, the love languages matter in more types of relationships, like friendships.
GIFT-GIVING
‘I was thinking about giving her a necklace… Do you think she would be happy?’
→ character will feel most loved and appreciated when gifted things; those things don't have to be big and spectacular, it's about the gesture; they can be hand-made
→ character may feel unloved if they don't receive a gift in some time
→ character may show their love by often giving gifts to their loved one
→ character may see gift-giving as more meaningful than other romantic gestures
WORDS OF ADMIRATION
‘You’re intelligent and funny, and you know me so well. I love how you truly see me…’
→ character will feel loved when they receive compliments and kind words from their loved one
→ character may feel unloved if they don't hear something nice about themselves in a while
→ character may show their love by verbally describing what they value in the person
→ character may see a nice, thought-through compliment as more meaningful than other romantic gestures
QUALITY TIME
‘On your birthday I was thinking we could go to the amusement park and see the musical performance, what do you say?’
→ character will feel loved when they get to spend time doing things with their loved one; this may be shopping, doing sports, but also watching movies etc
→ character may feel unloved if they're not actively pursuing an activity with their loved one
→ character may show their love by planning interesting things they can do together
→ character may see actively spending time together as more valuable than other romantic gestures
ACTS OF SERVICE
‘What do you say I clean the dishes today? You can go read that book you mentioned.’
→ character will feel loved when their loved one help them out in everyday’s tasks; this may include household chores or stressful assignments
→ character may feel unloved if they're “left on their own” to deal with external matters
→ character may show their love by searching for ways they can help out their loved one
→ character may believe an active support and helping out with their tasks is more valuable than other romantic gestures
PSYCHICAL TOUCH
‘You don't have to do anything, just snuggle with me today, I need you close.’
→ character will feel loved when their loved one is touching them; this includes hugs, kisses, hand holding
→ character may feel unloved if their loved one doesn't initiate physical touch (fe doesn't go for a spontaneous kiss)
→ character may show love by showering their loved one with hugs and kisses
→ character may believe touch to be more valuable than other romantic gestures
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