Abused characters

 

ABUSE is an attempt to control the behaviour of another person. It is a misuse of power which uses the bonds of intimacy, trust, and dependency to make the victim vulnerable.

Abuse leaves people wounded. It often leads to developing mental illnesses and having to seek therapy.

With that being said, let's explore how we can include abused characters in our stories. For starters I'd like to explain some of the most common types of abuse:

PSYCHICAL ABUSE

→ fe kicking, punching, hitting

→ often leaves marks, but doesn't have to (abuser can intentionally make them invisible to the outside world)

EMOTIONAL / PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE

→ fe shaming, belittling, manipulating, making threats, isolating

VERBAL ABUSE

→ fe name-calling, blaming, over-criticizing

SEXUAL ABUSE

→ not only r*pe, but also oversexualization, inappropriate remarks, sharing 18+ materials with a minor, grooming, inappropriate touch, etc…

OVERPROTECTIVENESS

→ also considered abuse, because it limits the proper development of the victim 

→ fe doing all the chores for the person, constantly monitoring their location, enabling them to learn how to cook or clean

NEGLECT

→ psychical - not taking care of the child (fe feeding, buying clothes)

→ psychological - not showing positive emotions, not caring 

MATERIAL ABUSE

→ fe scamming, preventing someone from using their own money, stealing

…And others, such as animal abuse, cyberbullying, discrimination…

Unfortunately, there's also a phenomenon called SECONDARY VICTIMISATION. It's when services that are supposed to help victims of violence most often trivialize the problem and blame the victims instead of providing protection and support.

 ABUSE can be supported by for example:

• abusing drugs

• mental health problems

• chronic illnesses

• economical situation

• another abuse (fe previously abused person becomes an abuser themselves)

There are many different ways abuse can shape who we are.

One can gain a savior complex and go around helping everyone who seems to need help.

Someone else can close in on themselves and give up on their dreams, afraid of further pain.

Some people, in an attempt to gain control, become abusers themselves (intentionally or unintentionally!).

And some, unfortunately, end their lives.

Some commonly appearing effects of abuse on a human:

→ lower self-esteem and self-confidence

→ self-harm and/or suicidal thoughts

→ stop engaging in their social life

→ strong trust issues

→ drastic changes in appearance 

→ substance abuse, sleep problems, eating problems,...

→ higher levels of anxiety

→ often memories of the painful events OR forgetting them (memories pushed out of consciousness)

Before I finish this post I'd like to point out the relationship between the abuser and the victim. 

Abuse creates a power dynamic where one side wants to hold more power over the other. It's about control and fear.

For example: a teenage boy abused by his mother, a child abused by a teacher, a man abusing his wife, etc. 

Some people will submit to the abuser in order to not be abused again. Some people will fight back. Some people will dissociate. It depends on the person's characteristics.

Unfortunately, it's very common to stumble across different forms of abuse in everyday life. Proper education about the topic is definitely needed. 

If you or a loved one is abused, seek out the possible means of help or support in your surroundings. 

Let's not close our eyes on abuse.

If there's anything you can do to help (without putting yourself in great danger), do it.

DON'T STAY SILENT 🩵

Some tropes including abuse (from tvtropes):

• All Take and No Give: An unequal and parasitic relationship, where one person receives all the benefits while giving back nothing

• Beg the Dog: A character seeks help from someone he would normally abuse or disrespect

• Fetishized Abuser: A person who abuses their lover, but it's portrayed as romantic and/or sexy

• Henpecked Husband: A husband who submissively does everything his wife says can get into this territory if it goes too far

• Masochism Tango: A couple who frequently alternate between being affectionate and fighting